Feeling pressure to spend? Here’s why and how to deal with it
Read, 4 minutes
Key takeaways
- Pressure to spend money can come from our peers, upbringing and desire to belong.
- Social media plays a big role in encouraging overspending.
- We can take control of our spending with a deep look at why we do it, combined with practical steps to curb it.
We are social creatures who want to feel accepted and valued by our friends, family, colleagues and neighbors. We may compare ourselves to them and feel we should have the things and experiences they have. Deep-seated attitudes toward money internalized in childhood often influence spending decisions into adulthood. And the act of making a purchase, especially one that has strong emotional underpinnings, can trigger feelings of pleasure, which can be a motivator to spend more.
An occasional dinner or shopping trip with friends is fun and helps build and maintain relationships. Problems arise when social pressure leads to wasteful, unplanned and impulsive spending. We often feel remorse and regret. We may resolve to change our money habits, but not know how to start or stick to it. Fortunately, there are strategies and tools that can help.
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Why overspending is so widespread
We are bombarded with spending messages. Social media can be especially perilous. Friends post about exotic vacations or fancy restaurant meals. Celebrities and influencers tout trendy products. Algorithms offer up ads tailored to our interests. And content is developed with the primary goal of enticing us to buy.
All this feeds FOMO—fear of missing out. Constantly comparing our lives to others’, consciously or unconsciously, can drive us to spend more than we can afford. We feel as though everyone is doing it, so we should too.
Misconceptions about money instilled during childhood can contribute to the pressure to spend. That’s because the money habits we observe as kids often form the foundation of our attitudes as adults. Some common scenarios include families that:
Then there’s the physical and emotional reaction to spending: It feels good. When we buy something, the brain releases dopamine, a neurotransmitter that motivates us to repeat behaviors that feel good. As a result, we want to buy more.
How to change behaviors
The messages we learned in childhood and habits we developed as adults can be changed. The process begins with openness and self-reflection.
Try listing recent purchases and examining what was happening in your life when you made them. Were you feeling anxious, sad, angry, lonely? Or happy, excited, enthusiastic? Were you treating yourself after a tough day or celebrating an accomplishment?
Being mindful of your feelings—identifying and accepting them without judgment—can help you pause and think before buying. Then ask yourself:
Try to surround yourself with people who support your financial values. Share your goals with them and ask for help. They can hold you accountable, reminding you of your goals when you are tempted to spend. And remember, your goals don’t have to be the same as your friends’. Different people have different dreams.
Immediate steps to curb spending
Changing attitudes toward spending takes practice and patience. Here are some practical actions you can take while you’re working on the larger issues:
Limit time on social media or filter the content so you’re not receiving so many spending messages.
Deactivate one-click buying. Make yourself type in your credit card every time.
Institute a 24-hour cooling off period before buying. Put the item in your cart, but don’t click “checkout.”
Pay with cash whenever possible. This helps make spending feel more real.
Be open about your budget. For example, before going to dinner with friends, tell them how much you can spend.
Set aside a specific amount in your budget for social, fun or guilty-pleasure purchases. This allows you to treat yourself without later regretting it.
Pressure to spend is always going to be with us, but we can take charge of how we respond to it. Understanding its source and our personal motivations empowers us to control spending and improve our financial well-being.
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